Going Home for Thanksgiving? 🦃❤️

8 Things to Notice About How Your Aging Parents Are Managing Their Home

The car pulls into Mom and Dad's driveway.

You haven't even made it through the front door and Mom is already waving from the window.

Dad opens the door and immediately asks:

“How was the traffic?”

You walk inside.

The house smells like Thanksgiving.

Football is on.

Someone is already sneaking food from the kitchen.

The grandkids are running around.

And for a few days...

everybody is home again. ❤️

If you live away from your parents, Thanksgiving may also be one of the few times each year when you're actually inside their home for more than a quick visit.

And sometimes...

you notice things.

Not because you're looking for problems.

Not because you're trying to convince Mom and Dad to move.

But because you suddenly realize:

Things aren't quite the way they used to be.

If you're heading home to see aging parents this Thanksgiving, here are a few things worth quietly paying attention to.

Not with a clipboard.

Not with judgment.

And definitely not while announcing:

“EVERYONE! I HAVE CONCERNS!”

😂🦃

Just...

notice.

☕ 1. Watch How They MOVE Through Their Home

Thanksgiving is busy.

Mom is going from the kitchen to the dining room.

Dad is getting something from downstairs.

People are coming through the front door.

Someone needs another chair.

Without making it weird...

watch.

Are the stairs harder than you remember?

Does Mom hold onto furniture as she walks through a room?

Is Dad avoiding going downstairs?

Does someone else carry everything up and down now?

Are there areas of the house they simply don't use anymore?

Sometimes people naturally adapt to their environment without ever saying:

“This is becoming difficult for me.”

They just stop doing certain things.

🍗 2. Pay Attention to What's Different in the Kitchen

Maybe Mom has made Thanksgiving dinner for 35 years.

And maybe this year she says:

“We're just ordering the turkey.”

Please don't immediately panic. 😂

Maybe she finally realized cooking an entire Thanksgiving meal is ridiculous and she'd rather enjoy herself.

Good for her!

But notice the bigger picture.

Is cooking becoming physically harder?

Are heavy dishes difficult to lift?

Are frequently used items stored where they're hard to reach?

Is standing for long periods becoming uncomfortable?

Or has the kitchen simply become harder for your parent to manage?

Sometimes small changes to organization can make a HUGE difference.

Not every problem requires moving.

Sometimes the answer is:

“Why in the world are the dishes you use every day on the highest shelf?”

😂

💡 3. Notice the Little Things That Haven't Been Done

A light bulb is burned out.

A cabinet handle is loose.

There's a stack of mail on the counter.

The porch light hasn't worked for a while.

The leaves haven't been cleaned out of the flower beds.

One little unfinished task means...

absolutely nothing.

We all have them.

But several?

That's when I start wondering:

Is there a reason these things aren't getting done anymore?

Maybe Dad doesn't feel comfortable on the ladder.

Maybe Mom doesn't have the energy.

Maybe they simply need someone to help with maintenance.

That doesn't mean:

TIME TO MOVE!

It means:

Maybe we need a better system.

🛁 4. Look at the House From THEIR Perspective

You've been walking through this house for 30 years.

You know every step.

Every doorway.

Every weird corner.

But try looking at it differently.

That beautiful sunken living room?

It's also a step.

The basement laundry room?

That's two flights of stairs carrying a basket.

The deep bathtub?

It may be harder to get in and out of.

The gorgeous area rug?

Could potentially become something to trip over.

The giant house they raised four kids in?

They may now use about 40% of it.

You don't need to point all of these things out over pumpkin pie. 😂🥧

Just start seeing the house through the life they're living today, rather than the life they were living 20 years ago.

📬 5. Notice Whether Everyday Life Seems Organized

This one requires sensitivity.

You're not snooping.

You're not going through financial records.

But everyday life leaves clues.

Is mail piling up?

Are important papers scattered everywhere?

Are groceries being put away?

Is the refrigerator manageable?

Are things where they normally belong?

Has the house become significantly more cluttered than usual?

Again...

one messy Thanksgiving weekend means NOTHING.

You've got 14 people in the house.

Of course it's messy. 😂

You're looking for changes from what is normal for your parents.

🌳 6. Take a Look OUTSIDE Too

While everyone else is arguing about football...

go outside for a minute.

😂🏈

How's the property looking?

Not:

“Are the mums perfectly trimmed?”

I'm talking about basic upkeep.

Are walkways clear?

Are railings secure?

Are leaves making surfaces slippery?

Are gutters overflowing?

Is exterior maintenance starting to accumulate?

Has the yard that Dad always loved started becoming more work than enjoyment?

Sometimes the house itself is manageable.

The property isn't.

And there are solutions for that too.

❤️ 7. LISTEN More Than You Look

This may be the most important one.

Mom says:

“I don't go downstairs much anymore.”

Dad says:

“I'm getting tired of taking care of this yard.”

Mom says:

“We have way too much stuff.”

Dad jokes:

“One of you kids is going to have to deal with all this someday!”

👀😂

Don't immediately turn that into a meeting.

Just listen.

Sometimes people start talking about change long before they're ready to actually make one.

A casual comment might be their way of testing how the conversation feels.

Instead of:

“YES! I've been telling you that you need to move!”

Try:

“What part of the house is getting hardest to keep up with?”

Then...

listen some more.

🥧 8. Notice Whether They're ENJOYING Their Home

This one isn't about maintenance at all.

Look at your parents.

Do they still love being there?

Does the house still support the life they want?

Do neighbors stop by?

Do they enjoy the yard?

Are friends nearby?

Are they comfortable?

Do they feel safe?

Does the home still feel like their place?

Because sometimes adult children see:

Big house. Stairs. Yard. Maintenance.

And Mom sees:

My neighbors. My garden. My memories. My independence. My HOME.

❤️

Those things matter too.

Downsizing isn't automatically the right answer simply because someone reaches a certain age.

The goal is not:

“How do we get Mom and Dad out of this house?”

The goal is:

“Is this house still helping Mom and Dad live the life they want?”

That's a much better question.

🦃 What NOT to Do at Thanksgiving

Okay.

You noticed some things.

The yard is getting harder.

Dad doesn't like the stairs.

Mom mentioned there is too much house.

You have concerns.

Please...

DO NOT CALL AN EMERGENCY FAMILY MEETING DURING THANKSGIVING DINNER.

😂😂😂

Nothing says holiday memories like:

“Before dessert, we'd like to discuss where Mom and Dad should live.”

😳🥧

Unless your parents themselves want to have that conversation, Thanksgiving may simply be your opportunity to reconnect and understand what's happening.

You can talk later.

Privately.

Calmly.

Without six relatives offering opinions at the same time.

❤️ Ask THIS Instead

If there seems to be an opening for conversation, you don't have to use the word:

DOWNSIZE.

Try something much easier.

“Is there anything around the house that's getting harder to keep up with?”

That's it.

You're not suggesting a move.

You're not making a decision.

You're asking what would make their life easier.

Maybe Dad says:

“The yard.”

Great.

Hire lawn care.

Maybe Mom says:

“The stairs.”

Okay.

Let's talk about ways she can use the house differently.

Maybe they both say:

“Honestly... this place is getting to be too much.”

Now you have somewhere to start.

🏡 What If They DO Bring Up Moving?

Then resist the urge to solve everything before the leftovers are put away.

😂

You don't need to know:

Where they're moving.

When they're moving.

What they're taking.

What you're doing with the furniture.

Whether the house needs updates.

Who is getting Grandma's dishes.

What the house is worth.

And who is cleaning out Dad's garage.

Not today.

The first conversation can simply be:

“Okay. Let's start looking at our options.”

That's enough.

🍂 Planning Is VERY Different From Being Forced to React

This is why I love when families start these conversations early.

When there's no emergency...

you have choices.

You can tour different housing options.

You can talk about staying in the home.

You can organize slowly.

You can sort belongings over months instead of days.

You can make repairs.

You can figure out finances.

You can create a timeline.

And most importantly...

Mom and Dad get to be part of the decisions.

❤️

That's how it should be.

❤️ This Thanksgiving, Just Be Their Kid

This might be the most important thing I tell you.

Yes, notice things.

Yes, pay attention.

Yes, start conversations when they're appropriate.

But also...

eat the pie. 🥧

Watch football.

Look through old pictures.

Listen to Dad tell the same story you've heard 46 times.

Help Mom with the dishes.

Laugh.

Take pictures.

Enjoy the house.

Because one of the reasons downsizing can be emotional is that a house isn't simply walls and square footage.

It's where life happened.

And someday, if your parents decide they're ready for a different home...

we'll deal with the house.

For Thanksgiving?

Just enjoy being home. 🦃❤️🏡

Jennifer Timmermeyer
Realtor® | Real Broker, LLC
Owner | Design with Jen

Serving Wichita, Kansas and surrounding communities.

Helping families navigate home, change and whatever comes next. ❤️